How to Say No without Feeling the Need to Make Excuses
The only thing standing between your goal ladder and you is the untrue tale you keep telling yourself as to why you can't achieve it.
Say it. Don't offer weak excuses or haw and hem. This only provides an opening for the other human. Don't delay or stall either. Inspirational blogs provide a small explanation if you emotion you require to; however, don't feel pressure. The less said the better.
Be assertive and courteous. You might say, I'm sorry I can't at present moment but will let you know when and if I can. This attitude is pretty polite and puts you in a position of strength by changing the dynamic. You're taking charge, telling the person you'll let them understand when and if you can. Another example and way is, I appreciate your asking me for assistance, but I'm stretched too narrow right now to devote the time to be of quality help to you.
Understand peoples' tactics. Many humans and organizations apply manipulation techniques, whether knowingly or not. For example, think about when you get a solicitation for a donation to a charity and there are compulsory options: Would you like to donate $16, $10, $40, or y amount? Another tactic: Most people donate $30--how much would you prefer to donate? This relies on social pressure.
Set boundaries. People sometimes have a tough time saying no as they haven't taken the time to evaluate their relationships and know their role within the relationship. When you truly understand the dynamic and your role, you won't emotion as worried about the outcome of saying no. You'll understand that your relationship is divine and can withstand you're saying no.
Put the question back on the person asking. This is pretty impactful in a work situation. Let's say a supervisor is asking you to take on several assignments--more than you can handle. You might say, I'm delighted to do X, Y, and Z; however, I would want four weeks, rather than three, to do a better job. How would you like me to prioritize them?
Be firm. If someone can't welcome your no, then you understand the human is probably not a true buddy or doesn't respect you. Stand firm, and don't feel compelled to give in just as that human being is uncomfortable.
Be selfish. Put your requirements first. Not those of the people asking you for something. If you prioritize that person's requirements over yours, you'll discover your productivity will suffer and resentment will mount. Perhaps we can grasp from Warren Buffett, who said, The difference between successful human and very successful human is that very successful people say no to almost everything that comes their way.
Identify your core values. What are those values that align with your core and assist you feel connected to your purpose? What it is that you really require to make space for in your life chain? Take time to meditate on what these values are— work-life balance, quality time with family members, being of service, being present. If quality time with the family is most important to you, yet you say yes to every job work opportunity that comes your way, then you are likely out of alignment. Before saying yes to any new responsibility, take time to assess whether it aligns with your core values.
Plan for space. The challenge with scheduling plans is that our dates are fixed while our energy frame are variable. How can we anticipate how we will feel three months from now? How do we understand what needs and new opportunities may arise in the future? Ignore making plans you can’t keep and do not overbook yourself. For example, if you already have plans to spend with your family on Sunday, don’t attempt to squeeze in a visit with your friend the same day. Perhaps you will apply the time to catch up on lost sleep or work in the garden, or maybe a spontaneous evening hike with a buddy. When we make time for space we permit life to flow naturally.
Listen to your body. If we force ourselves to the point of exhaustion it is inevitable that our body will start to rebel. Muscle pain, Headaches, rashes, digestive troubles, these are all patterns the body atoms communicates to us we are taking on too much. When you are stressed from too much doing, you inevitably break out in hives. Or your body stores the stress in your shoulders to the point where your hands go numb. The body does not lie. So take time to tune into what your body is saying to you. Often it means more self-care and rest.
Let there be no regrets, no excuses, and no explanations at the end of the day.
Follow your intuition. Inspirational quotes of life have the ability to tune into our intuition, that gut feeling we get in our brain cells when something doesn’t feel okay. One time I had a trip planned to San Francisco to visit a buddy. As the trip grew nearer, something within myself told me not to go. I talked to my buddy about my concerns and they were so disappointed that I decided to go just to make them happy. The trip of course ended up a disaster. Not only was I aggrieved for feeling like I had to be there, but my daughter ended up with a severe allergic reaction to poison oak and I had to fly home early to be with him. Our intuition is many times pretty powerful. Follow it.
Pay attention to your physical space. Look around the physical space where you live and spend your time. Is it full of clutter? Your physical space reflects your internal space. My family in particular loves to hand down matters to me, and since I have a tough time saying no I end up acquiring way more than I require. Take time to clear out your junk drawers and closet. Practice saying no to things and letting go of what you no longer require. See how much lighter you feel.
Talk in a calm, even voice. Use the same voice that you would use to ask to speak to someone on the mobile phone. Be clear, calm, and firm. If you sound upset, emotional, or confused, then the human being will sense your weakness and will attempt to exploit you. If you sound calm, then the person will see that you're being rational and that it's alright for you to say "no" once in a while.
Explain why you can't do it. Giving a small explanation can make the people understand why you can't do the matters he wants you to do. You don't have to be excessive about it, but giving just a sentence or two of explanation can assist the human see that you have too much going on to complete the assignment. You don't have to make up excuses. Just be honest.
Don't apologize too much. If you do emotionally sorry that you can't do the work, then you can say a simple, "I'm sorry," but the more you keep repeating that you're sorry, the less firm you will sound. The people will think that he can still convince you to do the assignment, and you'll only make yourself look fragile and will feel worse about not doing the work. If you apologize, it will look like you're doing something wrong by not taking on the assignment, and that's not the case.
Accept that others will be disappointed. Just as we are not in charge of anyone's happiness, we are also not answerable for their disappointment when we exercise the art of saying no. Accept that inevitably when you set boundaries with your energy and time someone is going to be disappointed. That is just the tradeoff we face. Be honest and assertive. If they don’t understand when you honestly share your truth and communicate your own requirements, then that says more about where they are anything.
Tell yourself that you're not being selfish. One of the major bases that humans can't say no without feeling blameworthy is as they emotion that they're being selfish to turn down humans who require their assistance, therefore making more time for themselves. But if you're selfish, then you're always looking out for yourself only and would never feel blameable about saying "no" to someone.
Know that you can't please everyone. Acknowledge that it's pretty impossible to please every person in the life cycle and that you have to draw the line somewhere. You may emotion that you will disappoint a human if you say "no," and will thus lose his respect, but you may explore that the opposite is true. If someone thinks you'll say "yes" to everything, then he will actually be more likely to take benefit of you and to ask you to do too many favors.
Understand the different tactics people use to get you to say "yes." If motivational quotes leads to identify the different patterns that humans may apply to manipulate you and get you to say "yes" when you want to say "no," then it'll be easy for you to say "no" as you'll know that the human being is just trying to control you in some way.
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