How to Stop Talking About Friends Behind Their Backs
Is that juicy nugget of information about your pal nagging at you, begging you to release it to the rest of your buds? Do you feel the urge to gossip about others behind their back in order to make yourself look like the crap in the group or to make yourself a little more interesting? It might seem like a temptingly great idea at the time, to dump your bud right in the middle of a funny story or an embarrassing moment but your pal won't think so... In fact, your bud will be questioning your loyalty along with your lack of tact.
Explore what you think lies behind your urge to talk about your pal or share a piece of juicy gossip about a buddy. Perhaps you think that it's harmless joy and perhaps you even feel a little proprietary over the detail as it is about your buddy after all. Or perhaps you think that dropping your pal's secrets or most embarrassing moments into the mid of a conversation will be funny and spares you from having to say anything of the sort about yourself. Or are you currently unhappy with your life cycle and talking about other pal misery feeds your soul? Whatever the inspiration behind your loose tongue, you require to get to the root of why you find it's alright to talk behind the back of your pal, in order to identify how to stop. Consider which of the following is most applicable to you:
· Boredom: Feel as if your life is pretty boring and without excitement? Drag out others’ dirty laundry can get the conversation beginning and cook up certain thrills. However, this displays a lack of creativity in your conversation skills, so salving your boredom with your pal's information is both disloyal and lazy.
· Protection: You might feel wrong, and need to warn other humans in your circle of the "dangers" of having this human in their life represents. Consider that we often feel like victims in friendship by minor matters, like selfishness, that really represent a tiny danger to anyone. If this is the case, let your pal make up their own mind setup.
Consider the kind of damage you're doing. If you were to stop and recall your words and think about what you told, what kind of damage are you doing to a pal? Place yourself into your buddy's place and think about how you would feel if the stuff you've been saying to others were said about you by your pal. Suddenly it's not such a nice emotion when looked at this way. Your pal may be hurt by gossip, rumor-mongering or exaggerated negative sayings about their life cycle in one or more of the following ways:
· Personal reputation: Spreading gossip about another human, whether it’s true or not, can harm a pal reputation irreparably, especially since it's coming from a close one. Consider whether your gossiping manners are potentially destroying your bud reputation. If so, why do you faith you must bring down your pal like this? If you're gossiping because you feel like doing it, this is no manner to resolve your conflict. If it's because of thoughtlessness or a wish to look better at your friend's expense, it's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and begin realizing that what you're doing is bringing about real destruction.
· Business reputation: Are you ruining your pal's livelihood just for personal fodder or perhaps even out of flow? Consider what your words could be doing to your pal business prospects and financial security. Think about how your rumor-mongering could influence not only your pal but also his or her family and loved ones.
· Family reputation: Even though you might be talking about your bud, your words could hurt his or her family, including your pal children. Family members are innocent bystanders and must not be hurt or damaged by your saying.
Get savvy in your communications. Know the difference between damaging gossip, venting to buds, or simply conveying information about a pal. In some cases, you may be spreading the great news about a pal without realizing that your buddy might have preferred to keep it hidden a while more (such as being married or getting a job promotion). Or, you may be simply venting about an argument you had with one close friend, without thinking too tough about how this sounds to listeners outside of your inner zone. Knowing the difference between indiscriminately talking behind a buddy's back versus delivering information is significant:
· Venting/clearing the air. We all want to let off some steam and if you’ve had an argument with a friend, you may need to consult with another buddy to help you through the issue. Talking with a trusted pal whom you know without a doubt won’t talk about your discussion with others must be fine in most cases. Talking it out may offer you with insight and support you arrive at conflict resolution with your other pal. Ignore saying nasty stuff or calling your other buds names. Moreover, venting continuously to numerous people moves into the gossipy shell.
· Gossip/talking behind a pal's back. Taking information that has nothing to do with you (or in some cases information that does but is highly confidential) and freely discussing it with numerous people is considered to be free gossip.
· Passing along news. For example, when a close pal has a baby, telling a bunch of people is not considered to be gossip offered your friend gives you her or his blessing to tell the universe. On the other side, if she has had miscarriages in the past and doesn't need anyone to know she's pregnant again until she knows this baby is safely coming to term, saying anything without her consent is talking behind her back.
Don’t engage in gossip. If you are being talked about, then you know how worst it feels. However, you aren’t helping stuff if you are guilty of gossiping, too. Some humans just like to discuss others’ life journeys, but they can’t do that if they don’t find any audience.
· If you gossip about other humans, then people will find it tougher to take you sincerely when you ask them to stop gossiping about you.
Button up. Physically or mentally excuse yourself from a conversation that becomes too full of gossip, to eliminate "falling into" gossip pond or socializing-by-demoralizing. One of the best manner to stop talking about others behind their back is to back away from any conversation that stoops to the layer of gossiping. For example, if you're in a group of buds and one buddy's name is brought up regarding her affair, don’t add up any information you may have. You could let others do the talking and stay silent but it might not be appropriate to speak up and suggest that it's pretty inappropriate to speak about someone who is not there to defend themselves. Of course, be tactful and don't initiate trash-talking anybody participating in the conversation either!
· Don’t speculate about any individual. You may be dying to jump into the conversation even though you don’t have any detail, but hold back. Don’t speculate––just refuse to participate in any gossip.
· Try to guide the conversation away from gossip shell. Bring the discussion back to the here and now where the humans present during the conversation are either talking about what is going on in their own lifestyle or discussing a new hot trend or subject.
· Walk away if you can’t control yourself. You're better off leave the conversation rather than getting in and contributing. If your buddy asks your opinion simply say, "I really don’t understand anything about it" and leave it alone.
· Try to steer clear of individuals who tend to spread a lot of gossips, too.
Increase your respect factor. If you've been utilizing gossip about your friends as a social crutch, it is time to wake up from the mess up. Whatever has driven you to talk about bud behind their backs, much of this comes down to learning to respect both yourself and others more. In particular, if you have been applying gossiping as a means for making yourself look good or as a manner to fit in more with others, then it's definitely time to reassess why you'd rather appear famous with strangers than to feel loyal towards and contented with the friends who are an important source of support, trust, and loyalty in your life.
Apologize to your buddy if need be. If your buddy learns that you have been gossiping about him or her, be strong and apologize. Whether or not your buddy is keen to accept this apology is beside the point––you want to stop and turn over the new leaf somewhere and this is an important and symbolic gesture to make.
Strive from this point forward to speak only well of your buds. Remember this wise saying: "Divide all humans into groups: strangers and friends. Friends are loved too much to gossip about, strangers are known too small."
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